I'm not crazy, Yet.

I might not write here as often as I used to do.

Thats mostly because I dont like to write while on a whiskey buzz. If I just had someone that would type down all the shit I have in my head, we could open a library.

Shits been a little crazy, I admit that. Some people might think of me as crazy, and I'm not sure I can really blame them. It might seem like I have no idea what I'm doing, but really, thats not the case.

I know exactly what I'm doing and I know exactly where I want this to end. But things arent always that easy, unfortunatly. And to be honest, sometimes I think that my head is going to explode.

Eventually I'm hoping that all this will lead to a nice quiet life with the one person in the world I have ever loved. And that is what keeps me going, thats what keeps me from just giving up and say "Fuck this, im out".

I'm not a huge fan of complicated things, and I'm certainly not a very patient person. But when it comes to her, well its just different. I could never walk away from her while I'm alive. No matter how complicated things are. Now if you knew me, you'd know thats dedication. I would literary go to hell and back if I thought that would make her happy. Because if anyone in this universe deserves to be happy, its her. And to be completely honest, I find happiness in her beeing happy. It's as simple as that.

Some people might think I can find happiness elsewhere. Or that I can be happy with someone else. They have no idea how wrong they are. I'm just not even intrested in finding happiness anywhere else than at her side. There was a time when I thought money would make me happy. I'm older and wiser now. I realize that money would make things less complicated, and that itself would make it easier to reach the happiness I'm after. But money in itself could never make me happy.

I guess this is just me saying to you all who read or follow this blog. I'm not giving up. And please dont push me. I have already given up both friends and family because they told me I'm crazy, because they told me to let this go and to move on with my life. And I will give up on every single person who knows me that will say anything like it. That includes you.

If you dont like what I'm trying to do, keep it to yourself. If you think I'm crazy for what I'm trying to do, you have no faith in me and I dont want to be your friend anyway. Just need to get the word out there, be supportive or be quiet.

Or be gone.